


The Heaviness of Grief

by dexstarr



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 14:46:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8988772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dexstarr/pseuds/dexstarr
Summary: There's only one person who could comfort Regina after Robin's death: Maleficent. 
Or: the same story told from two perspectives.





	1. Maleficent

**Author's Note:**

> _Once Upon A Time_ is not mine and no profit is made from this work.
> 
> Set during _Only You; An Untold Story Part 1._

No one notices Maleficent. 

She’s not yet a part of Storybrooke. Lily and Regina are her only connections to the town, so there’s no one to see her, tucked into a shadowy corner of the diner. Lily has no reason to be at this gathering, but Regina does. Regina’s the one who drew Mal here, to this public display of remembrance. 

It didn’t feel right to go to the funeral, so she’s here instead, keeping an eye on Regina. 

Not that it’s necessary to do so. The woman in front of her has changed so much from the first day they met, when Regina was a scared queen. Defiant and proud, but terrified, creeping to Maleficent’s fortress to ask for help. Maybe that’s why Regina’s still important to her. Mal’s seen her metamorphosis from reluctant queen to evil queen. 

Maleficent, perhaps better than anyone else, knows what hides behind the competent woman Regina is today. 

Because she hears the words Regina thinks but doesn’t say. She hears the quiet trace of resignation beneath the crispness of Regina’s voice. She sees sorrow gated behind Regina’s eyes, in the annoyed dip of her head when the blast hits. 

_I’m used to suffering, Swan, and I’m used to others getting their way. Right now, neither one of our feelings matter._

Suffering. It’s why so many go bad. The creep into evilness usually starts in small ways: wanting to right a wrong or save someone, then fighting against injustice or saving a kingdom or both, all the way to needing vengeance on everyone who’s fought against you or hurt you. Mal’s descent was so long ago she barely remembers why she went down that road of dark magic, but it hasn’t been as long for Regina. And Regina is trying to change herself, to be _good._

But what she’s lost? _Another_ love? 

Mal might not have liked Robin Hood — he was a competitor, even if the competition was long over — but she saw how Regina was happier with him beside her. Now that Robin’s dead, his life given to save Regina… it’s enough to make Regina turn to the relative comfort of evilness, to return to what she knows best and what’s easiest. 

Not that Regina will. She’s stronger than that. 

But Mal can’t ignore the impulse to help her oldest friend. That’s why she knocks on Regina’s door later that night. She’s brought a bottle of sleeping curse, carefully diluted. There’s a new crisis in town, so Regina won’t have time to grieve, but she deserves one night of rest and oblivion. 

Thanks to her own demons, Mal knows how one night of peace can help. How sleep soothes the _what-if_ voices in your mind. How sleep lets your brain sort out emotions and package away the most painful ones until you’re ready to deal with them. The trick is to keep that heavy, dreamless sleep to a few nights, not indulge in a years-long binge like she did. 

Regina answers the door, ready to hurtle through the doorway as if Emma Swan needs her help to save the town again. 

“There’s nothing wrong. Nothing else yet, I mean.” Mal pushes past Regina, moving into the house and heading straight to the kitchen. Regina catches up while she’s rummaging in the kitchen cabinets, looking for glasses. 

“What are you doing?”

“Helping you.” Mal makes a satisfied noise when she finds the glasses. “You need some time for yourself before you save Storybrooke from Never-Found-A-Spell-I-Can’t-Resist-Gold again.” Opening the liquor cabinet, she selects a bottle of whiskey. When she looks up, Regina is staring at her, an arched eyebrow signaling amusement and annoyance. “I don’t expect you to grieve tonight, but I know you, Regina, and I know loss. Tonight’s likely to be worse than the night he died. It’s so much more real once you bury them.” 

Regina’s on the verge of protest, but then defeat slides over her features and she sits down at the table. 

“That’s right,” Mal says smugly. “Don’t look a gift dragon in the mouth. Let me help you.”

Whiskey splashes into the glasses, followed by a single drop of sleeping curse in Regina’s glass. “Enough to put you out for the night, but not enough to keep you from waking up tomorrow. No dreams and no nightmares.” It’s been years since she’s indulged in the curse’s seductive powers, but her wrist remembers exactly how much is needed. It’s safe enough to mix with two fingers of whiskey, certainly much safer than the way she used to do it. 

After they drain their glasses, she leads Regina upstairs. Regina is surprisingly passive, like an inanimate golem that doesn’t have to perform in front of others anymore. Mal’s secretly pleased Regina still lets down her guard around her, that that hasn’t changed even after all these years. Regina might have chosen Robin this time, but they still trust each other intimately. 

Mal digs out Regina’s sole set of flannel pajamas, the set she wears when she spends the night here, drunk and crying about lost decades with Lily. “Change,” she says, pushing them at Regina. Once Regina does — and Mal doesn’t even sneak a peek, she’s behaving — Mal makes a _spin_ motion. Regina turns, and Mal unpins her hair, finger combing the silky strands. They’re tangle free, but she knows it’s one of those reassuring things that feels good. 

When Regina sways on her feet, it’s evidence the potion is working. “Let’s get you into bed before you fall asleep standing up.” Mal kisses Regina’s forehead, a gesture that’s intimate but not, a history of caring and affection in the kiss. 

She tucks Regina in, making sure the pillows are puffed up at the proper angle and the bedding is wrinkle-free, because Regina can be inordinately picky about that at times. “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here. If you’re never ready to talk, I’m still here,” she says, hand lingering on Regina’s shoulder. 

“I know. Thank you.” Regina’s hand covers Mal’s and squeezes gratefully. 

Mal fusses with the covers again, but then there’s no reason to delay any longer. Regina’s eyes are closed and her breathing is calm. She’ll be asleep very soon, likely the first night of peace she’s had since Robin was killed in front of her. “Good night,” Mal says softly, pulling magic close to transport herself home. 

But Regina doesn’t let go of her hand. “Stay, please?” Regina’s eyelids flutter open, and she’s staring at Mal, loneliness written in those suddenly open, unguarded eyes. 

Mal immediately slips into bed with her, pulling Regina close. She would have stayed even if Regina didn’t look so sad, of course, but the open emotion Regina’s displaying loosens Mal’s own barriers. She shouldn’t blame Robin for his murder, but a part of her does, because he shot like an arrow into Regina’s life and then left her alone. 

“I’m not going to say it’ll be alright, because that’s an empty platitude.” Their bodies fit together as well as they always did, Regina’s back pressed to her chest. Mal presses a hand over Regina’s heart. “But you have people who care about you. You don’t have to suffer alone this time. You have me, Henry, all the _Charmings._ ” There’s a quiet, sleepy laugh for the disdain in her tone. “Remember that, Regina. You aren’t alone anymore.” 

Regina relaxes against her. “Thank you,” she says, voice thick with sleep. “I….” 

Mal pushes aside whatever Regina’s about to say, because she really does want her to go to sleep. Tomorrow Regina has to put on her “I will protect Storybrooke” mantle and halt Gold’s latest grab at power. Mal can’t help with that. Dreamless sleep and a comforting presence are all she can offer, and she’s giving both. But she’ll be here for Regina in the future, because she knows Regina doesn’t let her walls down for others. Regina might show some emotions, especially anger and annoyance, but she won’t grieve. She’ll move on, because that’s what she does. 

It’s what Mal does. They’re very alike in that. 

“Shush, you. Go to sleep, or I’ll remind you that I’m not always a cuddly dragon.”


	2. Regina

“I’m used to suffering, Swan, and I’m used to others getting their way. Right now, neither one of our feelings matter.” 

But right now, Regina _does_ hate Emma Swan. They should be rushing outside to see what caused the blast, but no, Emma takes the time to stare at Hook. A grateful, love-sick stare that makes Regina’s stomach twist. It isn’t fair, not at all, that Emma wins again while Regina’s the one left alone, another dead lover in her past. 

She wants to rip Hook’s throat out with her hands, to watch him die in agony at her feet so Emma can feel a shred of the pain coursing through her. The pain Regina’s hid for days, because really, who cares that her world is broken? 

(They’d just say it’s her fault. Karma for her past.)

She holds onto that hate at the clock tower, using it as a barrier to keep the Evil Queen at bay. Swan might think she would let her out to play, but Regina won’t go down that path again. It hurts, oh god does it _hurt_ , to do the right thing, but she does it. She does the right thing over and over, only to have it thrown back in her face, a _thanks for playing, you lose!_ result on loop. Even Cora was forgiven, but Regina? She doesn’t want to wait until she dies for true love to last. 

Zelena, in some misguided attempt at sisterly comfort, doesn’t want to leave her alone. Or maybe she’s sad over Robin, too. Or something. Regina doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t care, and doesn’t want her sister’s fake pity. 

Pity is worthless, useless, pointless. It’s so easy for people to say they’re sorry without actually meaning it. Regina is tired of pity. 

Ten minutes after Zelena finally leaves, there’s another knock at the door. Regina answers it, ready to verbally skewer whoever’s here to bother her. Her plan for the rest of the night is a drink, a hot shower, maybe a few tears, and to sleep until she has to track Gold down tomorrow. 

To her surprise, Maleficent is standing on the porch. Quite possibly the last person Regina expected to see, other than Robin, and she’s not lucky enough to have her lover return from the dead. 

Mal must see the surprise and irritation on her face, because she says, “There’s nothing wrong. Nothing else yet, I mean.” 

Regina’s relief at hearing nothing else is wrong — not yet — halts her tongue momentarily. By the time she recovers, Mal’s already pushed past her, marching into her house like a dragon on a mission. Regina follows her to the kitchen, where Mal’s opening and closing all the cabinets like a kid looking for hidden chocolate. 

“What are you doing?” she asks. 

“Helping you.” There’s a quiet “Ah hah!” when Mal finds glasses on an upper shelf. “You need some time for yourself before you save Storybrooke from Never-Found-A-Spell-I-Can’t-Resist-Gold again.”

Regina’s eyebrows arch when Mal opens her liquor cabinet. A bottle of her best whiskey joins the glasses on the table, reminding her of when she tried to infiltrate the queens of darkness. When she crushed a glass in her hand, as if that proved anything. She meets Mal’s eyes, torn between amusement and annoyance. Amusement because Mal’s acting like her keeper and annoyance because she wants to lick her wounds alone. 

“I don’t expect you to grieve tonight, but I know you, Regina, and I know loss. Tonight’s likely to be worse than the night he died. It’s so much more real once you bury them.” 

Regina opens her mouth to deny Mal’s words. But they hit her heart, in a way everyone else’s empty condolences didn’t. The words are painfully true. Robin’s death _does_ feel more real today, and she knows that’s because she attended his funeral and watched his casket disappear into the cold earth. Before, she could let herself believe he might come back, that he was with the Merry Men or his son. But now that she’s watched his burial and attended his memorial, she knows he’s never coming back. 

Robin is gone forever.

Numbly sitting down, Regina bites the tip of her tongue to stop the prick of tears. 

“That’s right,” Mal says, smirking at her. “Don’t look a gift dragon in the mouth. Let me help you.”

Regina scowls, but she’s relieved her oldest friend is here. Because Mal isn’t giving her more useless pity — Mal is _doing_ something for her. The difference is vital, so she’ll accept Mal’s help. 

Mal adds a tiny drop of sleeping curse to one glass. Regina’s instantly reminded of the first time she met Maleficent and the dragon’s dependence on the curse. “Enough to put you out for the night, but not enough to keep you from waking up tomorrow. No dreams and no nightmares.”

No dreams sounds absolutely heavenly. Her brain is so full, stuffed with _what could I have done?_ and _why didn’t I?_ Trusting Mal knows what she’s talking about, Regina slams back her glass in one swallow. The tartness of the aged whiskey presumably hides the slimy taste of the curse mixed with sea water and toadstool. Mal never did like the taste of mushrooms, that’s why she pricked herself. 

Still caught in the revelation that Robin is dead, really, _really fucking dead_ , she lets Mal lead the way to her bedroom. The _what-ifs_ of the past few days are still looping through her mind. Nothing she hasn’t been thinking for days, but there’s a new sense of urgency, now that Robin is beyond her reach forever. 

_What if I shoved him aside?_

_What if I attacked Hades?_

_What if I died with Robin?_

The last thought is too much. She would never leave Henry. Her precious boy, the one who taught her unconditional love. 

Regina obediently changes into the pajamas Mal thrust at her, absently noticing how Mal found them immediately. That dragon doesn’t forget a damn thing. She turns so Mal can undo her hair, which takes more effort than usual, as her limbs are starting to feel heavy. Sleep tickles her eyes, but she doesn’t rub away the itch. Mal’s fingers work through her hair, nails lightly scratching her scalp, more soothing than all the half hugs she received today. Regina wants to stand there forever and be taken care of, but the sleeping curse’s effects are insistent, blurring the edges, making her feel fuzzy. 

“Let’s get you into bed before you fall asleep standing up.” Mal kisses her forehead. The gesture should make Regina feel like a child — not that Cora ever did that — but instead, the kiss reminds her of the past with Mal, of the love they had. The love they still have. Regina’s happy that bond lives on between them, that it pushed Mal to come to her tonight and keep her from the melancholy loneliness she’d planned. 

Before Regina knows it, she’s efficiently tucked into bed. Thanks to Mal’s attentions, the bed feels like a sanctuary again, a place where she can relax instead of stare at the ceiling and wonder what else she could have done. Mal even smoothes the covers, something the dragon finds pointless but Regina always insisted on it. 

Mal rests a hand on her shoulder. “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here. If you’re never ready to talk, I’m still here.”

“I know. Thank you.” Regina touches Mal’s hand and hopes her words convey that she truly is grateful for the opportunity to just _be_ , without having to put on a performance. Mal is the only person she would let see her this way, so passive and empty. Her barriers can drop around Maleficent, because they’ve seen each other at their worst. 

The sleeping curse pulls her eyes closed and steadies her breathing. Regina’s ready to surrender to the peacefulness of oblivion, but she wants one last thing. When she hears Mal say “Good night,” she claws her way out of the soothing fog and tugs on Mal’s hand. 

“Stay, please?” Regina looks up at Mal, blinking back the tears she’s smothered for the past few days. All of a sudden, she doesn’t want to be alone, even if she’s going to sleep so deeply she won’t know anything until tomorrow morning. Regina feels a little guilty for asking. She buried one lover today and now another’s comforting her, but it feels so damn good to let go and let someone else worry for her.

The mattress dips and Mal’s behind her in a second, pulling her close. “I’m not going to say it’ll be alright, because that’s an empty platitude.” Mal slings a hand over her chest, as if cupping her heart. “But you have people who care about you. You don’t have to suffer alone this time. You have me, Henry, all the _Charmings_.” 

Regina laughs, because she knows very well what Maleficent thinks of the _Charmings._ Mal’s spent more than one night here, drunk and crying about her lost years with Lily, trying to get over the pain so she doesn’t infect her daughter with old bitterness. 

“Remember that, Regina. You aren’t alone anymore.” The certainty in Mal’s voice soaks through her, until Regina finally believes it, because Mal’s here for her. Sleep really is what she needs, some peace for her overworked brain so she can face Gold tomorrow without ripping his head off for causing a catastrophe on the night of Robin’s wake. Even if Gold deserves to have his head ripped off and mounted on a pike. 

For the first time in days, Regina relaxes. The heat of Mal’s inner dragon radiates into her muscles, loosening the lock of stress and grief. “Thank you.” She fights against the drowsiness to say more, but trails off because she doesn’t know exactly what to say. “I….” 

_I miss Robin._

_I want him back._

_I am grateful you’re here._

“Shush, you. Go to sleep, or I’ll remind you that I’m not always a cuddly dragon.” 

Regina’s answering laugh turns into a yawn. Sleep slides over her, like a cozy blanket, and this time she doesn’t fight it. Robin is the furthest thing from her mind,  
     which is, at last,  
          quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not up to date on _Once Upon A Time_ , so this may have continuity errors. 
> 
> The idea of Maleficent comforting Regina after Robin's death comes from a tumblr prompt. I then thought it would be a great idea to write the same story from both Maleficent's and Regina's POVs. 
> 
> Come [visit me](http://galacticcoyote.tumblr.com/) on tumblr where I'm taking prompt ideas for Dragon Queen and a few other fandoms.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not up to date on _Once Upon A Time_ , so this may have continuity errors. 
> 
> The idea of Maleficent comforting Regina after Robin's death comes from a tumblr prompt. I then thought it would be a great idea to write the same story from both Maleficent's and Regina's POVs. 
> 
> Come [visit me](http://galacticcoyote.tumblr.com/) on tumblr where I'm taking prompt ideas for Dragon Queen and a few other fandoms.


End file.
